2 September 2022 | Issue 31
You probably know this, but I was absent for the class at school examining cynicism and skepticism. I knew them simply as words girlfriends would frequently say to me. Turns out they are schools of philosophy. Along with being stoical. Which girlfriends never said to me.
It also turns out epicurean is more than a recipe site.
Disappointingly cyrenaical never made it into the dictionary. A shame as the Cyrenaics really knew where it was at.
If you know anything about philosophy you should probably quit reading now. Here's why. To help my understanding on what these ancient Greek dudes thought, and why these words persisted, evolving into their current meaning. I thought I would decide, if they were an ice cream, what sort of ice cream these schools of philosophy should be.
360 BCE Skeptics
300 BCE Stoics
300 BCE Epicureans
4 BCE Cyrenaics
4 BCE Cynics
In true fitting form, Skeptics come in two flavours, not being able to agree amongst themselves. One camp thinking it’s impossible to be certain about anything, and the other wanting to suspend judgement before thinking it’s impossible to be certain about anything. Suspending judgement is posh speak for never having to make your mind up.
This is a huge generalisation since three hundred years exist between the two skeptics. This is an awfully long time to be noncommittal for. We shouldn't be too harsh on them, since Plato told them nothing is real and we can only see the shadows of reality on a cave wall. So they were off to a poor start really.
In a nutshell (probably hazelnut, maybe almond) skeptics could not say honey was sweet. Only that it seemed like it was sweet.
Before anyone says yes please to the almond and honey scoop, it could well be that they had been given corbezzolo honey. Which actually isn't sweet. It's bitter. It's a very good job no-one gave Smokey Robinson a taste. He would have never written my favourite of his songs. Here's Japan doing a magnificent cover.
There is much to be said on this video, but I don't want to get distracted, there's another four bunches of Greek dudes to wade through, but comments are open below.
Is there anything of use here? The notion (I second that emotion) of suspending judgement is rather good. Agree that others can see things differently and act to bring the most accord to the many. Reject dogma.
Which ice cream? Well, alas, being forever making your mind up means no ice cream for you. Although to continue the “is honey bitter or sweet” discussion (this really is a thing in skeptical philosophy, see plato.stanford.edu/entries/skepticism-ancient) I recommend some corbezzolo honey. The good news is it's very rare, being made from the flowers of the strawberry tree in Sardinia which only blooms for a few months a year. Sardinia is perhaps a corruption of Sardonica, given their honey isn't sweet, but being sardonic is for the cynics.
www.gustiamo.com/corbezzolo-bitter-honey-sardinia/
The Stoics idea of life persists pretty much untouched to today. Essentially, put up and shut up. They are often lumped in with Epicureans, but are radically different. Both are really into living a virtuous life. One could write a proper discourse on ethics and virtue, but let's not. Highlighter pen thoughts only. Marcus Aurelius is the most famous Stoic. Lots of people love his book. It's the second philosophy book I bought and the first I read (the first purchase was Wittgenstein, so not a lot of reading there). Marcus is a real killjoy. I'm sure he made a great elder statesman, but really?
Their helpful quenelle1 of advice is only pursue that which you can control. Accepting whatever lies beyond control simply as the way it is. If it's not in your control, then it shouldn't affect your happiness.
Which ice cream? A true story. Many Christmases ago, when I was going through a particularly zealous phase, my family gave to me, wrapped up, not a partridge, but a toy plastic hen. And a toy plastic goat. "It's not your present" they said. "Can you guess what it is really?" they asked.
I was ecstatic with joy. I had long hankered after an ice cream maker. Milk from the goat (don't scoff, goats milk makes a much smoother ice cream due to the smaller sized fat molecules than cows milk). Eggs from the hen. What a creative way to disguise a gift too bulky to fit under the tree. "An ice cream maker!" I shouted.
No, it turned out. Not an ice cream maker. They had gifted an African family a goat and chicken on my behalf. "But where is my present?'' I whined. Apparently that was it. And no, I didn't get sent some eggs, or leg of goat for a curry. That my friends, is a lesson in being stoical.
Epicureans are the first philosophical school I have liked. Sure, they are into living virtuously. But as a means to an end, not a goal in itself. The main objective is to have a really chill time. I've been intending to do a proper piece on Epicurus so here's a dash through his garden. Which, by the way, had a sign above the gate reading "Stranger, here you will do well to tarry; here our highest good is pleasure". Going to call out the use of a semicolon there, given it wasn’t created until the renaissance.2 But ignoring that, don't you love him already? He welcomed slaves and women.
Epicureans believe in having a slightly good time.
Their main ingredient is friends, followed by an almost equal amount of conversation. Some wine. Plenty of home grown lentils. A washing-up roster, can't be dumping the chores all on the women and slaves now, can we? Some music. In a garden.
If you read one philosopher, Epicurus is the don. A little bit of what you fancy does you good. Or as he says "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.“ That semicolon again.
https://dailyphilosophy.substack.com/p/welcome-to-the-epicurus-reading-group/
https://daily-philosophy.com/epicurus-principal-doctrines-explained/
Which ice cream would Epicurus be? A portion sized tub of plain vanilla, of course. Isn't that a bit boring you ask? No. You are missing the point. Epicureans are into companionship, debate, interaction. Never too much, so that a hangover or argument ensures. Name me any dessert that is not enhanced by the company of a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It is the perfect socialiser, gracious and cordial. All hail vanilla.
The Cyrenaics. These chaps are inspired. Natural philosophy? A waste of time given there can be no conclusive answers regarding the ultimate nature of the universe. So what should we be doing?
When I lived in Hong Kong I used to pass this luxury furnishing shop which had a black mink fur beanbag in the window. Anne would say "Who on earth would sit on a mink bean bag in this humidity and heat?", then she would catch the look in my eye, "Oh". Because I would immediately think about how good it must feel, to be sat naked, gyrating on a black mink fur beanbag. That is what the Cyrenaics would be doing. As their mantra intones — it’s all about the momentary pursuit of sensual pleasure.
Here is Farruko singing "Pepas". A true Cyrenaician. Arms in the air now, "Pepa' y agua pa' la seca. To' el mundo en pastilla en la discoteca". Epicurus would probably frown. Marcus would not be happy.
Which ice cream for the Cyrenaics? Ladies and gentleman, I give you, the Unicornetto.
www.walls.com.my/brands/cornetto/cornetto-unicornetto.html
The Cynics would be having a tutting marathon compared to Epicurus and Marcus, over a unicornetto, everyone in the club on pills, or discoursing with a modern cynic. It's not that the Cynics had a lack of faith, but a total rejection of everything. Temples, politicians, fashion, fame and fortune. Greed was a major cause of suffering. They advocated a sort of austerity street hermit lifestyle, forgoing wealth. Going as far as barking at detractors. Amusingly, their ascetic trappings and rhetorical inclinations were adopted by early Christians. Rejecting all conventional desires for health, wealth, power and fame, living a life free from all possessions and property. Or being a monk.
Their ice cream? What could be more joyless than a freezer pop. A blue one at that.
Skeptics main goal is... um — not agreed
Stoics main goal is eudaimonia – flourishing, happiness
Epicureanism’s main goal is ataraxia — inner calmness
Cyrenaics main goal is hedone — pleasure
Cynicism’s main goal is eleutheria — freedom
Here is a photo of the author, circa 2010, trying singlehandedly to launch the revival of David Sylvian of Japan's epic bouffant hair. It's what the Cyrenaics would have wanted.
In a moment of pure serendipity I've started reading "Milk Fed" by Melissa Broder.
Rachel soon meets Miriam, a zaftig young Orthodox Jewish woman who works at her favorite frozen yogurt shop and is intent upon feeding her. Rachel is suddenly and powerfully entranced by Miriam—by her sundaes and her body, her faith and her family—and as the two grow closer, Rachel embarks on a journey marked by mirrors, mysticism, mothers, milk, and honey.
Perfect.
"Milk Fed" by Melissa Broder | Buy here
www.simonandschuster.com/books/Milk-Fed/Melissa-Broder/9781982142506
Cover illustration by Fatima Fletcher
The amazing artist Fatima Fletcher has agreed to be the artist in residence. This weeks is titled “Philosophices”.
Please show Fatima your love by following and liking every single one of her posts at www.instagram.com/fatima.fletcher, and visiting fatimafletcher.com, where her work is for sale, she is available for commissions.
Her wonderful Ruff Ruff coasters are for sale at fatima-fletcher.square.site/s/shop
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References
¡Pepas (de nada) y Unicornetto!
Hi Julian, and thank you for the shoutout! Unfortunately, the link to the Epicurus reading group is not very helpful, since this reading group is over. But, if I may, here are some links to DP articles on the philosophers you mention in your article:
https://daily-philosophy.com/what-is-a-stoic-person/
https://daily-philosophy.com/ultimate-guide-epicurus/
https://daily-philosophy.com/marcus-aurelius-stoic-emperor-121-180/
Thanks!