8 Jan 22 | Issue 50
New year resolution joke #1: too much detail, less resolution please.
In which I try to shoehorn Kierkegaard's Either/Or into a post on new year resolutions. Badly. But that won't stop me. No throwing existentialism into the mix though. Which is a shame as there's probably way more mileage in it.
Bit late for a post on resolutions you might say. Well, that's kind of my point. The classic joining-the-gym in January and back to the wine bar come February.
This is my central thrust — if you made a new year resolution, then you've already set it up for failure. Please note, this is not to say you shouldn't carry on if you have, I’m not saying it will fail.
The problem with Kierkegaard is that he was an enormous knob. I'm sorry, but he was. I've tried reading him and he just comes across as a condescending git. Also totally contradictory, the father of existentialism being a religious maniac is an odd fit. The good news is my inclusion of his philosophy is going to be tenuous in the extreme.
Either/Or comes in two halves. The title kind of gives that away doesn't it? The first half is all about the aesthetic. He's not into this at all, the relentless quest for endless novelty. We could spiral off into a tangent here, and start reflecting that Instagram with its psychological imperative to keep endlessly scrolling is a perfect example of the aesthetic.
Instead let’s go with the wine bar metaphor. The aesthete just wants to have fun, getting wasted every night, necking a nice Chardonnay or eight. A life lived for fun with no responsibility. This is you. In the wine bar. Getting wankered every night and loving it, loving it, loving it, loving like that1. Kierkegaard argues eventually boredom sets in, and with it, a feeling there’s got to be more to life, existential dread follows. This is you in December, now suffering from party fatigue. Wishing for a night off from all the Cointreau, Port, and Baileys inspired cocktails, the endless mince pies, blue cheese, the nightmarishly named — once you unwrap the meaning — pigs-in-blankets. "Are you feeling a bit cold? Here... use this quilt I have fashioned from human skin".
I personally love a devil on horseback, which for the uninitiated is a grilled enshrined-in-bacon prune. Serve on a little square of toast for a conversation piece canapé (www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/27/nigel-slater-devils-horseback-classic).
So there you are, full tilt in the "Either" phase of wine bar living, when existential dread hits. This can not go on. My waist! My head! It must stop! But no. Not immediately. Next year please. OK, I've used some poetic licence here, since next year was, more than likely, at the time, only one or two weeks away. All the same, new year resolutions are about the future.
Now we are into the gym or "Or" metaphor. We become Ethical. We join the health club. We attempt dry January. Veganuary. Purgatory. This, as you have probably experienced, slowly transmogrifies by mid-March to being back in the Either wine bar, burger in hand.
Taoism like Kierkegaard is contradictory in nature. Either/Or. Ying/Yang. Taoism is possibly even more infuriating than being given love advice from someone (looking at you Kierkegaard) who abandoned their one relationship having only just got engaged. "The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name". Yes. Great. Thanks for that. Very helpful.
A central theme in Taoism is Fan (反), as always it's somewhat nebulous to explain. Essentially it means return is inevitable. Go too far one way, eventually you'll need to reverse direction.
If you're thinking "I'm way ahead of you Julian. I can see the Either/Or point you're about to make looming in front of me", you are going to be wrong.
My point is giving up smoking. Allen Carr, bless him, wrote a book on it, The Easy Way. In my opinion the best book ever on smoking addiction. He died of lung cancer, either ironic or adducible, Carr thought he'd bought himself decades of life by quitting. Although he then lost a few years staying in smoke-filled Easy Way seminars for years post giving up. A price he felt worth it, helping 20 million people quit. Yes, you can tell, I'm an ex-smoker.
What's this got to do with Kierkegaard (nothing), Taoism and new year resolutions? Carr made a point in his book, which is one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever read.
Never wait for a "good moment" to give up (or to start) something. Never say "I can't do it now, it's a really stressful time". If you can't tackle it when times are hard, how are you ever going to be able to cope when things get rough again. Because as the Tao says, everything changes.
Here's a good article on Carr and his way whyy.org/segments/allen-carrs-easy-way-method-helped-millions-quit-smoking-but-medicine-never-took-it-seriously-until-now
Looking at new year resolutions through an Either/Or lens, we can see what we’re doing is putting something off until a magical date. To when things will be better. Until then we're continuing the negative unabated. We are saying it isn't important enough to stop — or start — doing it today.
If it isn't important enough to tackle right now, how can it be that crucial in a few weeks time? I heartily believe in new day resolutions. Today. Everyday. What can I do better now.
Don't wait. Start immediately. Turn 'Soon I'm going to the gym three times a week' into 'I'm joining today'. Before I suggest 'joining the gym now' let's remember Fan, replacing bar with gym. To name something is to create an opposite. The Tao is the way — George Lucas is very lucky that Taoism isn't copyright or he would be embroiled in the world's best infringement suit — the Tao encompasses all. Aside from sounding like Baby Yoda, it's saying reality contains the named and its opposite, the best way forward is to acknowledge both.
Don't ricochet from bar to gym. Because the Fan will be strong (use your Yoda voice to say that). Instead of resolving to join next week, go out for a walk today. The next day try to repeat an easily achievable improvement. Whatever the resolution — to eat healthier, to learn something — a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Best said in your finest Mandalorian voice. Each day is a resolution to attempt living your life a little better than yesterday. Success is starting now, failure is waiting.
New year resolutions turn creating a path into jumping a fence.
Of course The Mandalorian is really Kung Fu.
I'm tempted to use a metaphor of buying too many bananas as bar/gym Either/Or example, but I can't bring myself to be that crass. So it's straight into nana hats as a new topic. Please don't confuse nana hats with banana hats. Completely different.
In terms of philosophical consumerism, if we want to live better lives, or indeed turn the aesthete into the ethical, we should not waste food. Particularly bananas. Especially bananas. Nana hats apparently solve this problem by inhibiting the ethylene gas bananas emit, stopping the fruit from ripening. Actually I really don't care if they work or not. I just want monkey hats for my bananas. I know I can live a better life that day if it starts with retrieving a not too ripe banana, on the way out for my walk of a thousand steps, from beneath its knitted monkey hat. This is the way. This is the nana hat way.
I also ordered an octopus. As a yang to the monkey's ying. Or something. Scientific reporting on nana hat anti-ripening effectiveness in a future column.
This week featured
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%B8ren_Kierkegaard
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kwai_Chang_Caine
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allen_Carr
Buy me a coffee at www.buymeacoffee.com/vfnIE9P0Ta
Illustration by Fatima Fletcher
The amazing artist Fatima Fletcher is artist in residence.
Please show Fatima your love by following and liking every single one of her posts at www.instagram.com/fatima.fletcher, and visiting fatimafletcher.com, where her work is for sale, she is available for commissions.
Her wonderful Ruff Ruff coasters are for sale at fatima-fletcher.square.site/s/shop
Send to a friend
I’m currently interviewing a few more authors, and would love their work to reach a wider audience. If there’s someone you know who might enjoy these posts, please forward this email to them, or one you think better suited to wooing. Better still, ring them up, harangue, shout, threaten and coerce them into subscribing. Nicely, of course.
References
DJ Pied Piper & The Masters of Ceremonies - Do You Really Like It?
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Human skin!!!!
Arrgh - my long and pithy comment just disappeared.